There and Not Quite Back Again
by Aurorien
Summary: Are you sure you want to read this? Really sure? Two umm...unique individuals literally fall into Arda. Rated for language and violence. May have romance. Maybe. You were warned...


There And Not Quite Back Again

Or

Kate and Mad's Adventures During The War of the Ring

And What Happened After

By Ray-Ray and Poof

It was a dark and stormy night.

Actually, I've always wanted to write that.

In fact, it was a warm, sunny day in Downingtown, Pennsylvania. The sun was shining, the breeze was blowing, and everything was wonderful.

Outside.

Unfortunately, we were stuck in Physics class. By we, I mean Madison, my compadre, and myself, Kate. It was an amazing day, and the clock was ticking extremely slowly towards 2:10, the time of our release from bondage.

Mad was busy doodling cartoons of penguins and foxes, and I sat there staring blankly at the whiteboard, my mind in the atmosphere somewhere. Suddenly, something dropped into my book bag.

I reached down and pulled out a note, which read: _Wanna come over after school? We can go for a hike. _Being a senior with no pressing need to do homework and a day off from work, I nodded.

When the bell finally rang, we practically ran from the school (okay, we did run, I was trying to make us seem a _little_ more mature than we actually are).

"I'm bored."

I rolled my eyes.

"I'm bored."

"You're the one that wanted to come on a hike."

Mad looked at me.

"I'm still bored."

I stopped, supremely annoyed. "Will you shut up?"

We continued on in silence, hiking up the hill next to the dam at Marsh Creek. At the top, we stopped to catch our breath. In one direction there was a spectacular view of the lake. In the other, however, there was a large cement structure used to control the dam.

"Lovely," I muttered.

Mad rolled her eyes. "Tell me about it."

We started heading down the hill in a different direction. The trail we followed was skinny, cut into the side of the hill, and on one side was a rather large swampy area. I knew from experience that the mud was about four feet deep, and I warned Mad not to slip.

"What," she asked scornfully, "does the Creature from the Black Lagoon live in there?"

I flipped her off, and she laughed.

Suddenly, I heard a noise from the bushes aside of us. We looked at each other.

"Did you hear that?" I asked quietly.

She nods. "I so wasn't serious about the lagoon thing, ya know!" she called into the bushes, and we both cracked up.

"Imagine us, scared of a little bunny," I said between laughs.

The bushes crackled even louder. "Pretty big bunny," Mad commented. I nodded.

Suddenly, some big dog-thing leapt out of the bushes at us. Startled, we jumped backwards. Right into the swamp.

I stood up shakily. First thing I noticed: I was covered in mud. And I mean covered. All you could see were my eyes. Second thing: There were hordes of bugs buzzing around my head. So I did the natural human thing.

I yelped and started running. Unfortunately, the swamp was a heck of a lot wider than I thought it had been, and the bottom wasn't too even. About three feet away, I tripped over something large and lumpy, and fell face-first into the mud. Okay, glasses are gone.

I was looking around trying to find them when I realized that I could see to find them. I started dancing around in the mud. "Woot! I don't need glasses for the first time in like, ever!" Unfortunately, my overwhelming joy kept me from noticing the large mud monster that was approaching me.

I turned around and saw a tall, muddy creature reaching for my arm. So, what does the all-American girl do in such a situation?

My right hook is pretty good, if I do say so myself. I socked him…er…her…er…it, and it jumped back yelling, "What the fuck!"

I peered more closely at it. "Mad?"

My now-slightly-recognizable friend moaned. "I'm gonna have a black eye, not that you can tell under all this crap! Can we go home already!"

"Sure," I muttered.

About five minutes later…

"Y'know, I'm sorry for, y'know, hitting you and all."

"It's cool. Nice punch, by the way. Give me an interesting story to tell."

"Thanks!... Why am I thanking you again?"

"I have no idea."

"I didn't think this swampy patch was so big."

"Really."

"It only looked a few feet wide."

"Is that so."

"Stop mocking me. I'm the sarcastic one."

"You don't say."

At this point, we hit dry land. It had taken us about an hour to slog through all that mud, and the sun was going down, and we were trying our best not to hit each other. It was working, to some extent.

I spotted a fire a little ways off in the woods. I kicked Mad, who was lying on the ground kissing it.

"What the hell are you doing?" I asked, a little scared.

"I am so glad to be back on land! Woot!" She stood up. "Say, do you know where we are?"

"Not a clue. This area looks really unfamiliar… That's weird."

"What's weird?" Mad asked, as we started heading toward the campfire.

"These are beech trees. There are no beech trees in South-Eastern Pennsylvania, southerner."

"Don't insult the south! Maybe someone transplanted them."

"Maybe," I replied, a little more weirded out than before.

We reached the fire. There were four kids sitting around it, covered in cloaks.

"Cool!" I yelped. "Boy scouts!"

It was then, as Mad started yelling at me, telling me that there was nothing wrong with Boy Scouts, that I noticed that the four figures had moved away from us, to the other side of the fire.

I nodded to Mad, and she grinned. "Well, we do look like mud monsters."

She stepped closer to the kids. "Look, young'un, we just had a little run in with the swamp? Does one of you have a cell phone?"

One of the small figures stood up indignantly. "We are not young ones, miss, but hobbits!" He threw back his hood.

Two of the others stood up and nodded, while the other one sat silently, looking at us.

Mad cracked up. "Okay, so, it's not quite Halloween, guys, but those are awesome costumes!" She paused. "You even sound like them! Where'd you get all that stuff?"

I stared. They weren't wearing shoes. What respectable mother would let kids go out overnight without shoes? And in clothes that looked a lot like hobbit clothes…worn by hobbits… with slightly pointed hobbit ears…

My brain started to come up with the craziest theory, but I immediately rejected it. There was no way…

I kept staring at the hobbits. The one still sitting stared right back at me, meeting my eyes. Suddenly, his gaze ticked off over my shoulder, and I felt the hairs go up on my neck. Before I could even turn, I felt something large and sharp poking into my back.

"Do not move," a low, rough voice ordered.

I nodded. The voice called out, "Girl! Turn around slowly!"

Mad stood up straight and turned, her eyes wary. When she saw me, or when she saw who was behind me, they went really wide.

"Come here," the voice ordered. "Slowly."

Very slowly, Mad came up beside me. Taking initiative, I turned around, _very slowly_, very mindful of what I was sure was a sword poking into my back.

My first thought was, _Oh, my god. I've gone crazy._

It was Strider. Aragorn, Estel, Thorongil, Elessar, whatever you wanted to call him, he was there. Viggo in the flesh. I stared, vaguely hearing him ask who we were.

"This sucks."

"It's all your fault."

"How is it my fault?"

"You told him who we were!"

"What was I supposed to tell him? That we were Thelma and Louise? You went into a kind of coma thing, and were like, totally off in dreamland! What was I supposed to do?"

I sulked. "Well, you could have said something that wouldn't have gotten us tied up and dragged along like two dogs on leashes."

We had been walking for two days, tied securely to the pony of the company, Bill. The man, whose name _was_ Strider (Coincidence? I DON'T think so!), had decided that we were lunatics and, having nothing else to do with us, was dragging us along to "speak with people wiser than he."

Bullshit. He just didn't want to have to deal with us. Wimp.

Anyway, we were staying at a place called "The Watchtower of Amon Sul." Even after seeing the immense, crumbled tower and seeing four hobbits trotting along ahead of us, Mad refused to believe me.

"It's a huge role-playing, Dungeons and Dragons thing!"

Aragorn finally let us off our leashes when he loosed the pony. He tossed the hobbits some wicked-looking blades. "These are for you," he said. I gazed at them greedily, and Mad elbowed me.

Strider stood, gazing off at the hills. Turning, he said, "I'm going to have a look around." He beckoned to us. I got up and followed, and then turned back and dragged Mad to her feet.

"Can I roll the dice again?" she muttered.

Strider led us to a nice, private glade. Peaceful, except for the three huge troll statues. Charming, really. Quite charming.

I gave Mad a pointed glance, and she rolled her eyes, shaking her head.

Aragorn turned and faced us. "Who are you?" He looked at Mad. "You told me that you were from a place I have never heard of. Your clothes are, what is left of them, strange and immodest." He looked at us closely. "Are you witches, or are you some travelers from a place so far away that even I, who have wandered far, have never heard of it?"

"Um, okay." I sighed. "All I can tell you, is that I think we're from another world. As weird as it sounds, we were surprised by this wolf-dog-on-steroids thing, and we fell into a swamp. A swamp that was definitely not as big as the one back there. And we ended up here. We don't know how."

Mad nodded, agreeing. "We just want to go home," she added. "We're cold, wet, filthy, and we just want to go HOME."

Strider sighed. I thought I heard him mutter, "It would have been easier if they had been witches." He looked up at us. "I will try to get you home, Kate, Madison. You must speak with my father Elrond. He is the wisest being that I know of, save for Mithrandir, and he is missing."

I nodded. Elrond would be able to help. God, I hoped so, anyway.

Suddenly, I jumped, and looked at Mad, who looked as if she'd just had a revelation.

"Yeah," I said, thwacking her on the shoulder. "We're in Middle Earth. Wake up! We're at Weathertop!" She stared at me, realization and horror warring in her eyes.

"Shit!"

Fortunately Aragorn missed this little exchange, being as he was running towards Weathertop at all speed after hearing shrieking wails coming from it.

"Black riders!" I was already running.

I really needed to jog more. That was my thought as I raced after Strider, Mad hot on my heels. Adrenaline must have kept me going, because somehow I made it to the top of Amon Sul right on Strider's heels.

Mad grabbed my arm, pulling me back just as I was about to run out. "We can't face these things!" she whispered frantically. "They're Nazgul!"

"Stay behind me!" I whispered back. "Go help Frodo! I'm gonna help Strider!"

I heard her call behind me, "But you can't use a sword!" Too late. I was already there. I stared, fear washing over me in waves as the tallest of the black things started to walk towards me, rooted to the spot. Strider was busy with three others and didn't notice.

The thing raised its sword, and I couldn't move. I couldn't move anything. I was gonna die and there was nothing I could do about it.

I don't know why she did it. Something crazy must have made her do it. Either way, it saved me.

I heard someone yell, "Phoenicopterus!"

:somewhere over the rainbow in Pakistan, a volcano explodes.:

Suddenly, I could move! _Wow,_ I thought as I ducked the sword and grabbed for Frodo's dropped one, _it really is a magic word!_

Frodo's blade was almost like a dagger on me, but it was the best I had. I blocked the dude's next swing and kicked out, catching him in the gut. Must have been the only place he didn't have armor, 'cause I was expecting to stub my toe. Instead I heard this really great squelch, and he doubled over.

I didn't have time to savor my victory, however, because another of the freaks was coming up behind me, and I had to go after him. I just kept hitting and hitting him, and finally he gave up and jumped off the cliff to get away. Yep. Guys just love me so much they'd risk broken bodies to get away from me. Sigh. Okay, back to story.

:Mad would like to say that the aforementioned hooded dude did not jump off the cliff, but was in fact pushed by a certain Poof, therefore, Ray-Ray cannot claim all the victory:

I spun to see Strider, in a truly awesome move, throw a torch at the tallest guy's face. He ran away screaming, and we all ran over to Frodo.

Mad looked at Strider and me. Her eyes had so much pain in them.

"I think he's dying," she said quietly.

To Be Continued….


End file.
